Paulal Abdul Named "Woman of the Year" By Nevada Ballet Theater

Huh? So now, barely being able to hold your head up while wasted is considered award-worthy?

Paula Abdul, the queen of confusing on-camera non-sequiturs and bizarre cleavage, was honored over the weekend by the Nevada Ballet Theater, who selected her as their "Woman of the Year." At least, though, she managed to put together a speech that was actually coherent and--dare I say it--clever, even?

"I couldn't do it without the three men in my life," she said of fellow Idol stars Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest, who flanked her. "Every time Randy Jackson opens up his mouth, I look like a Nobel Prize winner. Every time Simon Cowell opens his mouth, Borat sounds like a Nobel Prize winner..... Ryan, I really do love him; almost as much as he loves himself?...These three brothers are the best thing a girl can hope for, just ask my therapists."

Oh Paula. You're so funny. And out of your gourd more than half the time. But at least your gourd is covered in expensive, luxurious weave.

Find out which former "American Idol" contestants showed up for the event after the jump.