Grammy Fashion Disasters

Mandy Moore

Lisa Timmons: How can Mandy look so morose after winning the Ancient Greek Heroes Wrestling competition?

J. Harvey: Her dress looks sponge-painted. This reminds me of every low-rent ice cream-parlor I ever went to. Low-rent ice cream parlors that are going to close soon have sponge-painted walls. Sponge-painted walls usually indicate that your business isn't doing well and they're going to be opening an Asian nail salon in your space momentarily. Hence, Mandy is soon to be replaced by Kim Fong Toy Fairy Nails Beauty For You(!) Salon.

Cara Harrington: Aww, I was so disappointed. Mandy usually looks so cute. Her misguided look encompasses the belt trend but, alas she is wearing my Grandma Yetta's drapes. Maybe if you stare at the dress long enough you are supposed to see sailboats or something. Is it just me or does she look a wee bit..."tipsy." Maybe she is just tired...or it's a bad angle....or a bad hangover.

Nelly Furtado

Lisa Timmons: There was a young lady who swallowed Joan Collins. I don't know why she swallowed Joan Collins. Perhaps she'll die...

J. Harvey: Remember on the later years of the Love Boat? When they had like a dance troupe with Teri Hatcher in it? And Ted McGinley took photos? And Lauren Tewes was a cokehad and left the show? This dress represents that magical era.

Cara Harrington: Nelly's dress is a trim away from being hot. I like that it is risky and she looks striking in white. The embellishment is a little much though. It slightly echoes a couture swamp thing with the bits hanging off the dress. She had me until, "hello feathery strings." She looks very elegant from the hips up and I hate to see her on the miss list.

Brooke Hogan

Lisa Timmons: As much as I think Brooke Hogan is a nice girl--I really believe that--I don't understand how she consistently looks like a drag queen doing Gwen Stefani. And not in a fun way, but more in a draped in hideous green satin way.

J. Harvey: Well, at least she's not wearing that stupid grille in her mowf. God, that made me want to shoot her with rocksalt from my shotgun. She still looks like a hooker trying too hard not to look like a hooker, though. You know that glamorous clutch purse contains condoms, lube, a straight razor, and plenty of fives.

Cara Harrington: Why is it that she constantly looks like a confused tranny from outer space? (My apologies to the lovely trannies out. You are fab.) Her poor dress is puckering and wrinkling everywhere. She is a fit girl and by no means chubby, but this dress is a drink of champagne away from busting at the seems. Perhaps it's the horrendous martian green that is accentuating every slight ripple on her. I am somewhat surprised that she wasn't wearing some nude Britney Spears bikini throwback. Her necklace is gorgeous along with her clutch. But that is the only nice thing I can find to say about this train wreck.

Hilary Duff

Lisa Timmons: Hilary has clearly discovered the as-yet well-kept secret of She-Ra's lingerie line.

J. Harvey: Still not spangly enough to attract attention away from those plastic chiclets.

Cara Harrington: I am actually ok with Hilary today. Maybe it's because I have had too much coffee already or that I am coming down from buzz. Either way, compared to her run in with the gold lame pants the other day...this is ok. I think it might be missing something. Maybe some confidence and Zoloft would do the trick.

Joan and Melissa Rivers

Lisa Timmons: Ah, I see, going with the whole distracting-via-hideous-outfits maneuver to hopefully allow the viewer to forget the horrific plastic surgery. Very clever, ladies.

J. Harvey: Why I'm queer.

Cara Harrington: I looked at this picture and shuddered. Melissa's bangs are huge! I mean they are so huge they distract me from her accessory that she dusted off and decided to air out. Speaking of Joan, if she just lost the jacket she might have something. The both of them together in the same photo is just plain icky. Icky, now there is my misspent time at night school paying off. They both just look as tired as they are. Oh, how the mighty fall. They once spent red carpet season in booths as fashion police. Now, they probably spend their afternoon reminiscing about the pre-Ryan Seacrest days and scaring small children for kicks.