Hey Shawty, can I buy you a drank? Last night I finally got to meet my #1 jealousy target – Perez Hilton. He flew into Beantown to host a party at Mansion for the the official launch of Going.com, a social networking and nightlife website geared to the specific city you live in. And they had Lady Sovereign perform! Who’s hot – and not only because she’s British, two feet tall and rocks a side ponytail. But also because she had a live meltdown in NYC last week where she threatened herself and the audience from the stage! And said “F*ck America”! HOT! How could I not go?
Famed Boston radio funnyguy and Internet personality Jackson Blue mc’ed this bitch, and he name-dropped A Socialite’s Life from the stage without requiring payment or for me to do anything dirty! Thanks, Jackson!
I’m not exactly sure what Perez was expected to do. And I wonder how much scratch he got for it. Because he was kind of…dull. I don’t know. I know he’s not a comedian or anything. But he said a few things and was gone. I am a thirsty jealous bitch when it comes to that dude, because he’s got it on lock. But shouldn’t he have done something trademark like I don’t know, draw on a poster of Lohan with a white marker or something? When Jackson asked him for some gossip about Nicole Richie, he replied “I don’t want to get sued”. HUH? Bitch, that’s what you get paid for! And when Jackson asked about Paris, he replied “I heard the lesbian prison sex is hot”. Well, I guess he gets points for actually making fun of her for once. Sorta. My friend The Fat Rooster accompanied me and noted “Apparently Perez needs spell check and a gay thesaurus in order to come up with the shit he writes on his blog. Oh, and probably at least three glasses of box wine to get the balls to actually post it.” SNAP! I only require two glasses to post what I write! HAH! (Your suspicions that I’m drunk at work have now been confirmed.)
Keep reading for the part where J. actually talks (er, slurs) to Perez and might have hit on him. Oh, and some Lady Sovereign details.
Speaking of booze – your snarky bitch got TANKED. P.I.N.K vodka was one of the sponsors and the dirty martinis were flying fast and furious. So by the time, Perez was off the stage and available to talk to, I was already fully in the bag. Actually, I think I puked in the bag and passed out under it. Sometimes these events make me nervous because I’m more of a safety of my laptop type girl. You know, like when you’re in your car and you feel safe because the doors are locked so you can flip off that eight foot tall, 400 lb. truckdriver? So I get sorta nervous when I’m out at these do’s and I sometimes have a couple of cocktails to take the edge off. Which is probably how hookers are able to steal my wallet at Jenna Jameson parties.
I only spoke with him for about a millisecond. But he now has my card. So if he didn’t immediately toss it, I’m now the fug drunk queen who might have hit on him. Yes. It’s possible I hit on him. I’m a complete slut when I booze and I like the beefy types, and I think his sweater might have been cute. DAMN YOU, BEER GOGGLES. Oh, and I asked him a question which I think was how come you never make fun of Paris on your site? I think I asked that. Jesus, was I tanked. And now for an exclusive ASL quote from Perez Hilton:
“I just do my own thing.”
And with that he was gone. He musta been like “get me outta here”. Thanks Perez. Sorry if I was “shiteous” or whatever. With your gray-haired ass. Please. Moving on, Lady Sovereign is awesome. I think she did like two songs but whatever. There was no meltdown or “f*ck America” and like I said, a side ponytail. Which I think is my favorite hairstyle for women. Of course, I’m also speaking as a retarded person. The crowd loved her tiny ass. They wanted to put her in their pockets and take her home and have her say things like “nuffink” and “geeza”. She’s the biggest midget in the game!
Anyway, it was a great time and extra special thanks to Big Night Entertainment and Going.com for allowing my drunk ass in to cover it and to Jackson Blue for being a nice guy and for the ASL name drop.