J. Lo’s first husband has been ordered to pay. Pay big. He violated a confidentiality agreement when he threatened to publish a book about their five minute marriage. Seriously, this dude owes some bank. Does he even have a job besides threatening ex-wife celebrities?

Additionally, a court arbitrator has ordered Noa to pay ex-wife Lopez $544,814.21 for violating their marital settlement confidentiality agreement, according to court papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Aug. 6.

Noa, who was married to Lopez from Oct. 1997 to March 1998, had threatened to write a book detailing his relationship with the current Mrs. Marc Anthony entitled J-Lo and Me. Claiming that this would constitute a violation of their marital settlement agreement, in which Noa agreed to not make any “disparaging or negative statements” about her, Lopez obtained a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction against her ex and then ordered him to arbitration.

That’s a lot of Starbucks for a non-famous dude! He’ll be pumping gas and selling flowers by the side of the road for aeons! Oja didn’t show up in court despite repeated notices. Also, the abitrator decided he is legally prevented from “criticizing or making disparaging remarks” about J. Lo and her big ass. What? Is this 1984? What the f*ck? What is this – the damn thought police?