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Dancing with the Stars premiered last night, and Cloris Leachman (‘Bev’ who took over from ‘Mrs. Garrett’ on The Facts of Life) is totally running things. She had the geriatric cleavage, the scared-to-break-a-hip-but-still-plucky moves, and the balls to totally eff with the judges. She’s a supercougar and she’s going to get her claws into that trophy.

Other bright spots were the glorious, man-eating, slow and sensuous Erica Kane (aka Susan Lucci) and the perky poster boy for harmless gays – Lance Bass.

Toni Braxton also did her thing despite her recent diagnosis of microvascular angina, which occurs when not enough oxygen is making it into the heart. She must need the check.

Contestants who stunk the place up included comedian Jeffrey Ross (who apparently suffered some sort of eye injury that he blamed his poor performance on), and cooking pinup Rocco DiSpirito. DiSpiritio apparently “couldn’t land a toe-heel lead to save his life.” He can’t keep a reality show going, either. Useless bastard. His gnocci better be up to speed.

And Kim Kardashian managed not to kill anyone with those massive humps.

Dancing with the Stars premiered last night, and Cloris Leachman (‘Bev’ who took over from ‘Mrs. Garrett’ on The Facts of Life)
is totally running things. She had the geriatric cleavage, the
scared-to-break-a-hip-but-still-plucky moves, and the balls to totally
eff with the judges. She’s a supercougar and she’s going to get her
claws into that trophy.Other bright spots were the glorious, man-eating, slow and sensuous Erica Kane (aka Susan Lucci) and the perky poster boy for harmless gays – Lance Bass. Toni Braxton
also did her thing despite her recent diagnosis of microvascular
angina, which occurs when not enough oxygen is making it into the
heart. She must need the check.Contestants who stunk the place up included comedian Jeffrey Ross (who apparently suffered some sort of eye injury that he blamed his poor performance on), and cooking pinup Rocco DiSpirito.
DiSpiritio apparently “couldn’t land a toe-heel lead to save his life.”
He can’t keep a reality show going, either. Useless bastard. His gnocci
better be up to speed.And Kim Kardashian managed not to kill anyone with those massive humps.