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While we patiently wait for season three of Downton Abbey to premiere here in the states (NOT), BBC America’s Anglophenia came across a Twitter account to help pass the time.

@FakeDowntonEpisodes imagines plotlines fit for the Granthams, with a sallow-looking Moseley to accompany each tweet.  Really, that man’s hair parting is dreadful.

Mrs. Crawley teaches a wayward prostitute the value of self-worth. Molesely accidentally burns down an orphanage.

— FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 2, 2012

Daisy ruins an upside-down cake by turning it right-side up. Edith reads ‘The Ugly Duckling.’ Weeps. — FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 3, 2012 

After Thomas accidentally walks in on Carson in a state of undress, he finds himself questioning his homosexuality. — FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 3, 2012

Mrs. Patmore’s ‘extreme makeover’ shatters the servants’ perceptions as well as several mirrors. Cora urges Robert to manscape.

— FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 6, 2012

Matthew suffers a flashback from the war and attempts to bayonet Lord Grantham with a fire poker. Mary is inconsolable.

— FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 8, 2012

Edith wins the prize for Handsomest Young Man in the Village.Lord Grantham sternly gazes through a telescope. — FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 9, 2012

Violet leaves Mrs. Crawley in tears after a game of backgammon. Mrs. Patmore lectures Daisy on the dangers of masturbation.

— FakeDowntonEpisodes (@FakeDowntonEps) October 2, 2012

Remember when that Turkish diplomat died while bedding Lady Mary?  God, that was weird.