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I know suicide is no laughing matter, but Fantasia Barrino‘s life is absurd. Who the hell tries to OD – doesn’t succeed – and then tapes an interview for an updated Behind The Music special that comes out on the same day as your brand new album?

Sounds a little too perfectly timed to me.

“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out,” says the American Idol winner, 26, in the new interview set to air on Tuesday. “At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive].”

She continues: “I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.” 

Barrino is cited in a lawsuit by Paula Cook, the wife of Antwaun Cook, with whom Fantasia had been having an affair.

“When I met him, he was separated … wasn’t living in his home. He didn’t want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told,” Barrino says. “I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.’ ”

I guess we’ll see how many albums she sells. Here she is at an event for VH1 from April of this year!