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Literally. Hayden Panettiere was the star attraction at an ESPYS event last night. Blot that. Get some kind of powder puff and smack your face with it. Something’s wrong. She’s trying to look old enough to be marrying a 30-year-old. That Mrs. Roper thing she’s got on isn’t going to make it magically happen for her.

Hayden’s also pushing a song. My beautiful cohort Lisa Timmons was a lot nicer about it than I could be. Frankly, she should stick to….acting? I don’t know. She can cry on cue, so I guess it’s acting.

Seriously, the only time a 30-year-old man taking an 18-year-old for a bride could work is if it was 1968. And even then you better knock her ass up quick.

Click any photo to view all 13 photos of Hayden Panettiere in the gallery!

Literally. Hayden Panettiere was the star attraction at an ESPYS event
last night. Blot that. Get some kind of powder puff and smack your face
with it. Something’s wrong. She’s trying to look old enough to be marrying a 30-year-old. That Mrs. Roper thing she’s got on isn’t going to make it magically happen for her.

Hayden’s also pushing a song.
My beautiful cohort Lisa Timmons was a lot nicer about it than I could
be. Frankly, she should stick to….acting? I don’t know. She can cry
on cue, so I guess it’s acting.

Seriously, the only time a 30-year-old man taking an 18-year-old for a
bride could work is if it was 1968. And even then you better knock her
ass up quick.Click any photo to view all 13 photos of Hayden Panettiere in the gallery!