One of the more popular fakes from “The Hills” is releasing a single. Heidi Montag’s song “Higher” will debut online on February 5. Mark your calendars that day to remind you to drive screwdrivers into your earholes. I hope she cut this hot track AFTER she did whatever she did to her lips. Because that’s going to sound funny. The video for the single, directed by her fake fiance Spencer Pratt, will be released the same day. How come the music career talk couldn’t have been as fake as their engagement? Why, why, why? I’m yelling “why” like you do when you throw yourself on a coffin at a funeral. Take me now! Heidi cites Jesus and Britney Spears as her influences. Hopefully Jesus will smite her ass for even saying that, and I’m just crushed that we both like Britney Spears. Ugh.