Jesus Christ, How Long Does Breaking Up Take?

June 6th, 2007 // 4 Comments

(Flynet)

Put a fork in em’ already! Jessica Simpson, her boobies, and John Mayer have finally finished breaking up. They’re done. It’s over, Johnny. Their genitals will never be friendly. Ever again. Never the twain shall meet. Enough. Please.

“It has been rocky and it had been rocky, and it reached the end of the road,” a source close to Mayer tells PEOPLE. “It is definitely over – the relationship has ended.”

Those on Simpson’s side confirm that the romance has come to an end, but say the door is always open for the pair to reunite.

AAIIIEEEEEEEHHHH!!

“They broke up Sunday night, but who knows what the future will hold,” says a Simpson source. “This is the twelfth time they’ve broken up. Their relationship is volatile. Last week they felt better than ever. This week, things are rocky. Who knows what the future will bring. ”

As for any reason’s behind this most recent split: “Every relationship has its differences, but with Jessica and John those differences were starting to become more and more apparent,” says the Mayer source.

Yeah – those differences being that he’s gayer than gay and she’s a big-boobied cretin. Please. Like two magnets turned over. Why did this even happen in the first place?

By J. Harvey
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Comments (4)

  1. Linda B | June 6, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    Well said J Harvey….I think this happened in the first place to give us something to focus on when trying to induce vomiting. Let’s make a pact, if they do get back together again let’s just pretend they didn’t.

  2. shell | June 6, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    I’ve never heard that he’s gay, but in any event, these two are like that idiotic, annoying couple in JUNIOR HIGH who are always breaking up and getting back together. Dramatic losers.

  3. pizda | June 6, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    Like any other guy, he got what he wanted, time to move on. Must have been easier knowing she is brainless and whiny.

  4. celia | June 6, 2007 at 11:29 pm

    i think he broke up with her the minute her daddy starting trying to pimp their relationship. i suspect that one of John’s groundrules was: Control your papa or i bail”. and he did.

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