Jesus Is One “Loving Dude”

August 11th, 2006 // 11 Comments

Who in their right minds gave Stephen Baldwin a pen, paper, and book deal?

Just when you think Scientology and Kabbalah are the cherry on top the mountain of religious exploitations, a trump card falls from the Stephen Baldwin’s head. In his book you will find stories you should totally tell at parties.

For Instance

“I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, ‘How’s your sex life?’ They will say something like pretty good or okay or no complaints here. Here’s what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange.”

And…

“I’d always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp. He didn’t come with a guitar singing Kum Ba Yah. Jesus brought a sword to the earth, and he is still swinging it.”

What the hell? Has he been swinging from power lines?

He’s perhaps a smite too zealous [Lowdown]

Written by Cara Harrington

By admin

  1. kimepoo

    Another one gets a first class ticket into the crazy house. Thank god is’s the fine one..Billy Baldwin! Whew!

  2. kimepoo

    I meant thank god it’s not the fine one. Too ganja!

  3. Ummmm… what exactly is this guy saying? Is he saying sleep with jesus or is he saying that Jesus is the baddest dude ever known and will attract all women on earth (and men too) to sleep with Him? I mean, what is he saying? Seriously, someone tell me.

  4. LT

    “Imagine taking a healthy sex life, and inviting the power of God into that exchange”

    Not that I’m some born-again fundamentalist Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but what I believe he’s saying here is that if you bring an element of sprituality into your sex life, it will become that much more enriching and powerful and pleasurable? It wil make a pretty god sex life even better.

  5. I don’t buy this one for a second. He can’t get anyone to hire him for a mainstream movie, so he’s trying to act all fundy so that he can get in on some of that fundy “Left Behind” sorts of movies that are keeping Kirk Cameron fed these days.

  6. ClassicSsuan

    Is he wearing a hairband???

  7. I’m not hip to the idea of inviting God into a threeway. But that’s just me…

  8. tia

    LT, you took the words right out of my mouth. You may not be some “born-again fundamentalist Christian’, but you sure do have somewhat of a religious background.

  9. chrisase

    Jesus….helping your sex life….killing your fashion sense.

    CS, I’m seeing a headband, too. Eeeeuuuuuuwwwwwww….

  10. KittyLiterati

    Does this count if we use God’s or Jesus’ name during sex?

    Can we scratch that off the vanity list and just assume God decided to drop by during an amazing orgasm without the Hail Marys to boot?

  11. I totally get what he’s saying. The love of a Christian marriage would bring a level of intensity to the sex life, the way it should be (not just lust). I wouldn’t want it any other way myself.

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