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I could say something right here about how sad Lindsay Lohan’s situation is and what a crappy father Michael Lohan turned out to be, but for really-real, this family is such a beautiful disaster, I can’t even stand it!  It’s like a telenovela come to life!  Don’t condemn me to hell just yet; I’m saying what y’all are thinking.

So here’s the plot, I mean story, so far: Michael tries to back up his story about Lindsay being addicted to prescription drugs by releasing tapes to the media of phone conversations between himself and his daughter and ex-wife, Dina.  Lindsay then refutes the recordings via Twitter as being several years old and craftily edited, while blasting her father for being a deadbeat dad and claiming that he threatened to kill her mother at the height of their marital problems.

Michael then refuted Lindsay’s claims by saying, “That’s a lie.  I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that… No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her.  Because she’s forsaken everything He’s given her and she’s done nothing by misuse all the gifts she’s given.”

Oh, snap.  That’s cold, Michael.  I can’t wait for the next episode!  Um, I mean statement.  That is to say, I’m sure everything will work out for the best.  Yeah, that’s it.

Gallery Info: Lindsay Lohan looking fresh as a daisy as she skips through the London airport to her connecting flight.