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UPDATE: As we have just learned from TMZ, the assistant involved in this whole Lohan chase/arrest fiasco is NOT Jenni Muro and we’ve updated this post accordingly. The girl in question is actually Lindsay’s second assistant and not Muro, who only heard of Lindsay’s arrest this morning.

Happy Lohan’s Career Is Over Day! The woman that Lohan was chasing drunkenly was the mother of her former assistant. She had asked her mom to pick her ass up and drive her away from Lohan’s coke palace after she quit Lohan’s employ. It turns out that Moms was so freaked out by her pursuers that she dialed 911 and headed for the police station which is why Linds was busted a block from there. Oh happy day. I’m glad this dummy didn’t kill anyone. What the hell was she going to do? Run their asses off the road? Kill her before she could run to US Weekly with the incredibly unsurprising news that rehab round 1 didn’t take? This is serious shit!

Lohan, driving a 2004 Yukon that doesn’t belong to her, was chasing a 2007 Escalade being driven by the mother of Lohan’s personal assistant, according to police.

“The driver who called police turned out to be the mother of Lindsay Lohan’s personal assistant,” said Padilla. “Just prior to the chase – but I’m not sure exactly how much time prior – the personal assistant had quit.”

The mother drove toward the police station, but ended up in the nearby civic center, says Padilla.

Lohan was accompanied by two men who were not arrested. The lesson? Don’t give your two weeks notice to Lohan. She will snap and try to kill you! The other lesson? Hang out with people who will stop you from chasing after people and not go along for the fun.