• At the launch party for Paris Hilton‘s debut album at Suite in Miami, a drunken Brandon Davis climbed onstage and announced to the crowd, “I wrote a special new song called ‘Firecrotch,’ and it’s for Lindsay Lohan!” An insider tells Page Six the “Firecrotch” song is real and was produced by Scott Storch, who twiddled knobs on Hilton’s album. Isn’t that special. [Page Six]
• Well, aren’t we all just a tad embarrassed for all thinking that John and Patsy Ramsey had something to do with their daughter’s death (which is curiously not mentioned in any of the current news reports). It turns out some creepy guy who was in love with JonBenet Ramsey, the 10-year-old beauty queen, claims her death was accidental, because of a kidnapping gone wrong. [AP]
• Britney Spears has told her husband to get rid of his six Australian gray nurse sharks because they are too risky to have around with two kids in the house. Now, she just has to get rid of Kevin, and the kids will be even safer. [The Scoop]
• If there are any aspiring comics out there looking for a shot at the limelight, just hang around Andy Dick. Getting bit on the hand by the Dick can lead to comedy gold. [Jossip]
• Let’s hope that Dessarae Bradford doesn’t actually get a lawyer for her case in which she’s accused of stalking Colin Farrell, because crazy in court can be lots of fun. [Daily Dish]

Written by Tara Benedict