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Ah, Television. I like it. I do. I like lots of different television shows, some good, others so bad that I love them more than life itself. Not my life, maybe my neighbor’s life, or someone I worked with in the past whom I didn’t really care much for, like that one guy who made really weird noises under his breath when he thought no one was listening and come back from the bathroom without washing his hands which I know because I was listening the whole time and then watch him the rest of the day with a faint feeling of nausea, his life yes…but I digress.

I didn’t used to watch a lot of television, in fact I sort of prided myself on the fact that I mostly watched PBS and read very thick books that gave me vague wrist sprains in trying to hold them up into the wee hours of the night, but then something happened. Cable. Direct TV to be precise, and oh what a joyous downward spiral it has been ever since. For you see, I have a slightly Obsessive Compulsive personality, not to the point of getting up every hour to make sure the locks are all turned in the right direction or running home over lunch to make sure all the gas knobs are turned off for fear of burning down my glorious one bedroom apartment, but more of a laid back OCD, like that man who watches you every night through the window but he doesn’t actually do anything about it, he’s not that committed. I’m like that dark stranger in the trench coat, except lying down on the couch watching the same show until I tire of it and turn to something new to stalk. I mean watch.

Continue reading “Confessions” after the jump…

So without further ado, let’s discuss a show that I watched this week. It’s not a recap, but rather a leisurely discussion where I point out everyone’s flaws in order to conceal my own, and laugh really loudly to conceal the cries for help buried deep inside (and sometimes the cries coming from the locked basement but I’m taking care of that little problem tomorrow), so if you if you haven’t seen the shows I am about to talk about or don’t want to know what happens, please keep reading anyway because I can’t take rejection and my trench coat is at the dry cleaners.

So everyone’s going on and on about American Idol and how MEAN they are this season and you just HAVE to tune in because they are just SO MEAN!!! Mean schmean, Simon’s the same (honest), Randy makes amazing faces and Paula seems on less meds than last season. For now. To me, this season has been more like a giant therapy session for the most messed up people out there who can travel on public transportation. It actually frightens me a bit to know that there are that many bizzarro people out there who could get on a bus and arrive at my apartment in droves at any given time.

Personally I think the judges show quite a bit of restraint, I certainly wouldn’t be able to sit through that much insanity accompanied by loud screeching and the eyes of mad people staring at me in disbelief when told no, without cracking under the strain. I would eventually stand up tall and bellow “OH! MY! GOD! What is WRONG with you people?!?! You are an argument against evolution! How can you even be standing in front of me taking up the space that shouldn’t belong to you?! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” and then run out of the room waving my arms madly above my head and disappear into the horizon in a cloud of dust.

But the thing is, I like seeing these losers, I enjoy feeling that I am that much better than they are in every way. I actually feel almost normal watching them, almost boringly normal, it’s quite an odd feeling really. So I say BRING ON THE FREAKS, and entertain me like a King lording over his minions because if it really is wrong to laugh at people, then I have no intention of being right. Ever.

So there you have it, just one example of the observations of an obsessive compulsive TV aficionado. I do hope that you’re not expecting this to column to make much sense, because in addition to having lazy person’s OCD, I also have a short-attention span. So, be sure to keep reading my future installments, because I have many more unfinished thoughts to share with you my pretty, pretty ponies.