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Ramona, the supreme C U Next Tuesday of the group, has sunk her cat claws into Countess LuAnn. These women can’t ever let anything go, so there’s a good Bethenny/Ramona trash talk session about LuAnn’s hoity toity countess hypocrisy. Ramona still passionately hates Alex and Simon.
We can’t even remember why anymore. She needs a valium (or four) washed
down by a glass of champagne (or five). There’s an odd moment in the
middle of the episode when Ramona takes her 11-year-old daughter shoe
shopping. She insists her daughter try on a pair of high heels and then
gets teary-eyed at the sight of her wobbling around in five-inch
stilts. She clearly needs some hobbies.

Things are about to get a lot quieter in Countess LuAnn’s mansion. Her daughter Victoria
is off to boarding school, her son Mark is starting school and the
hamster is dead. We aren’t entirely sure why the passing of the hamster
tugged on our heart strings more than any of the other characters’
melodramas, but it is what it is. We won’t analyze. LuAnn truly shines
as the high class aristocratic Emily Post when she gives Bethenny
dating advice. She basically tells her to act like a slow talking, dim
wit on her next date — men are sick of all this equality, she says.
Act like the damsel in distress. Men want to be men, she advises. Thankfully, Bethenny giggles to herself, and rolls her eyes on the inside.

Bethenny goes on her first date in five years or something insane like that, and it’s with another chef — some guy named Todd Mark Miller who
owns a New York City restaurant called STK. He seems like a nice guy,
but a bit husky for the Skinny Chick. She laughs at the right times,
they make goat cheese, watermelon salads and she rattles off a light
little joke about taking off her top. We can see why he thought he may
have a chance. While she rated the date an “A” we’re sure it’s his man
titties that ultimately got in the way. She won’t be eating burgers and
drinking wine with the chef again. Sigh. He doesn’t have serious
boyfriend potential.

We finally get to see Kelly‘s apartment (downtown, Little Italy) and meet her matching pink sweater daughters. They are named “Teddy” and “Sea.”
Countess LuAnn makes the apartment a little more royal as she graces
Kelly and her chef friend for a cooking lesson. They make lettuce wraps
of some sort and Kelly is still as bland as the slices of
iceberg she cuts. When are we going to see some fiery drama with this
cardboard cut out?! No wonder she had to beat up her boyfriend to stay relevant. Moving on.

Alex and Simon
are thick in the throes of remodeling their Brooklyn home, but since
they lead such charmed lives with oodles of free time they jet off to
St. Barts. When they return they hope the house is well on it’s way,
but are greeted with a construction site Jill deems “not safe for the children.” Oh well, there are parties to go to so they put on their Sunday best and attend some Russell Simmons charity
thing with all the other ladies. Here they tell the Countess they plan
on writing a book about parenting. Everyone on this show is writing a
useless self-bloated book. Bethenny snarks they should instead write a book about crawling through air-conditioner vents to attend parties. Zing!

Summer is over so Jill has left the Hamptons and is back to her New York City home. She’s employed her gay husband Brad
to help redecorate, or give the apartment a “face lift.” Yeah, we don’t
know why either. This is the same “stylish” man who wore a hoe down
outfit to a Hampton society event. Not surprisingly, Jill thinks all
his ideas stink and they fight like two crabby women with PMS. He ends
up clearing out her apartment without informing her and the look on her
face is priceless when she walks into her vacant, barren home.