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Lindsay is completely free of drugs and drink, and feeling like a bright new morning. As she goes back out to the clubs every night to drink mineral water, eat Triscuits, nod her head politely to the music, and tell her friends about the joys of sobriety – she’s settled on a new addiction. Penis! Specifically, trying to get some of Ryan Phillipe’s . I can’t fault her for that. Her retinas obviously work.

According to a published report, Lohan recently met Reese Witherspoon’s soon-to-be ex, Ryan Phillippe at a Hollywood party and became quite smitten with him.

The National Enquirer reports that since the two met, Lindsay can’t stop mooning over the ‘Breach’ hunk. She has been begging mutual friends to tell him she wants to hook up and has been leaving him non-stop phone messages. According to veteran gossip Mike walker, Ryan isn’t interested and hasn’t returned one call.

Oooh, faceplant. I can only imagine the message -

(crackly man voice from doing too much coke and booze) “Um, hi, Ryan? Yeah, this is (*clears damaged coke throat*) hrrrrr, Lindsay Lohan. We met the other night? I know you’re not with Reese anymore, and I just wanted to say I really felt a connection between us. I mean, I know you’re recently separated with two kids and have your shit together, and people have this wacky image of me as this tramp who gets high and drunk a lot and writes random Blackberry texts to Al Gore beseeching him to help me with my public image. When I’m high. But I don’t do that anymore, I don’t. I learned so much during my three days in rehab. I learned about how to I need to listen to my inner voice, and how I’m so much better off without drugs. Except diet pills. I can do those. I mean, I’m not a nun. If you wanna split an eightball, I know this guy. Anyway, call me back. I’m naked right now. Your kids are so cute! I like threesomes. Ta!”

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