• The police officer dude from the Village People is headed for rehab as part of his plea agreement stemming from a drug possession arrest. This is what happens when you spend too much time hanging out at the YMCA, kids. [ABC News]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger settled that pesky lawsuit initiated by the British TV host he may or may not have groped on air. [SG]
• Madonna‘s children celebrate being away from Mommie Dearest for a few hours by wilding in a Paris park. [TMZ]
• Zach Braff bragged he’s “like the male Paris Hilton.” Uh, yeah, that’s not really something to be proud of, Zach. [Tabloid Whore]
• Rapper 50 Cent claimed he’s the “George Bush of hip hop.” Again, that’s the type of information you should probably keep on the down-low. [Digital Spy]
• Jessica Simpson and her hairdresser/man servant, Ken Paves, model hair extensions while looking shiny and plastic. Very frightening. [Celebitchy]
• Dear Aretha Franklin: please put those things away. Please, for the sake of the children. [INO]

Written by Alyk