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Because celebrity gossip has been soooooo slow, and because it’s within walking distance of my apartment, but mostly because MK from Popbytes suggested that we do it, I ended up at Sunday brunch at Scientology’s famed Celebrity Center. Let me apologize in advance for not snagging any pix on this field trip, since it would have looked highly suspect. So, my boyfriend, Keegan, and I met up with MK near my apartment and walked down the street on Franklin to the enormous building, where we very nervously sashayed up to experience what we were hoping would be our creepiest brunch experience ever.
At first, we couldn’t exactly tell how to get in, so we noticed two woman very carefully studying the petals of a flower. One woman seemed to be instructing the other as to how she wanted to flower treated. After a moment, one of us cleared our throat and said, “Excuse me–” only to have the woman who seemed to be giving the instructions, without looking up at us, say, “One moment.” Then, the two women continued studying the flower in silence. After a moment, they had finished and the woman rose to answer our question. It was at that point, Keegan later told me, that he had half a mind to grab me by the arm and run.
More on the Scientology brunch after the jump…
So, she told us where to go and we found our way inside. The brunch was $25 and without thinking, I paid for my meal with my credit card, only to have Keegan whisper to me immediately afterward, “Now they’ve got you!” I guess all that “Without a Trace” and “Law & Order” I’ve watched has not done a lick of good. The food was good, not worth what we paid, but yummy, nonetheless. We sat outside in a the courtyard of what really was a beautiful garden.
In the center of the garden was my favorite part of the brunch, a gazebo that housed a hilarious easy-listening jazz-band. The singer reminded me of the jazzy redheaded singer from “Lost in Translation” and delivered a lazy rendition of “Walking After Midnight” without so much as taking off her sunglasses, or standing up. It was ridiculous. And in the wake of the last episode of Liquid Lunch, “Patti LuPone Has Down Syndrome,” I nearly spit out my coffee when they started playing a muzak version of “Ob-la-di Ob-la-da” (I think that’s the name).
Eventually, it was obvious that I was going to have to go to the bathroom, an experience I was actually hoping to avoid. However, after deciding that they would come get me if I didn’t return within fifteen minutes, I decided I could risk venturing inside the building to find the bathroom. On my way to the ladies room, I passed by a room, clearly an office, that was roped off with a velvet rope. I realized it was the room that was set up for L. Ron Hubbard’s return to Earth, so that he may continue where he left off, without having to worry about setting up a new office.
All in all, it wasn’t too scary, but I’m totally reminded of why people avoid cults, and I’m so totally on some list somewhere (dammit), but I think it was worth it. At the end, while we were walking home, I lamented, “I can’t believe I gave them my credit card number.” To which MK responded, “And a urine sample” D’OH!
I’d pass on the Kool Aid
Haaa!! At first I thought the whole thing must have been an April Fool’s joke, only to realize that I must have been comatose for the past 3 days. Too funny, don’t know if I would have had the cojones to do that but I’m glad YOU did!! Nothin’ like living vicariously…
so, you basically learned…nothing. they eat overpriced food and listen to corny music? you would’ve been better off going to mickey-d’s.
Please give us future updates on the aftermath of having given them your credit card. Have you had any compulsion to contemplate flower petals? ;)
You are a far braver person than I. I was involved in some extensive litigation with them and they really creeped me out.
Wow, Lisa,
What big paranoia you have.
If you remove the fears and worries that were going on inside your head, basically what you’re telling me is that you had brunch.
I’ve had brunch at the Celebrity Centre. I too found that the food was decent but a bit overpriced.
The two women in the yard were probably doing a practical exercise from a course. Many Scientology courses ask you to go experience something, etc. – the stuff is supposed to be experiential, not didactic. If you interrupted a yoga class (without knowing anything about yoga) you’d get a similar reaction.
Insofar as Hubbard’s roped-off office:
No Scientologist is at all expecting any dead person to come back to life.
The real explanation is much more ordinary:
Hubbard used to travel a lot. Eventually it became customary for his organizations to allocate one room as his personal office, for when he came into town. After his passing, this tradition was kept as a sign of respect. Also, during the 1980s many offshoot groups and copy-cat philosophies sprung up. The commitment to keep an office for Hubbard was one way of saying “we’re the real deal.”
And none of it has anything to do with “night from the living dead” or similar. LOL.
Anyway, visits to “cults” (i.e. any religion which you don’t practice, right?) can be much more enjoyable if you go in with a bit of tolerance, less paranoia and much more honesty. You coulda said, “Hi, I’m not a Scientologist, we’re just nosing around, that cool?” and that woulda been fine.
best,
Greg
Scientologist and proud of it
http://www.liveandgrow.org
Ha Greg, I could tell you were a winged monkey from your first sentence!! Nice psuedo-use of slang to throw us mortals off!
BTW (by the way) how much have you invested so far into your systematic brainwashing? Are you feeling zestfully thiethan free today?
Holy crap.
I post what I honestly consider a though-out, reasoned reply, and what do I get in return?
Winged monkeys.
The Internet is really some wild place.
lisa’s a suppressive! yay! :) we’re all very proud!
greg…a preprogrammed reponse in defense of your cult is not a well thought out answer. there’s a big difference.
Let’s see, a lunch and a pee, meanwhile trying to think of something to lose sleep over. Boring story and you’ve managed to attract a few blog rats who need to get a life.
Now THIS is why I converted to socialitelife from Perez-big fat liar- Hilton
Brava! you’re a stronger woman than me, I’d have never done it!
Wow, such animosity Steve.
Didn’t they wipe away all anger and vitriole from your psyche while they were in there erasing all individuality and free will?
Seems like a convenient time to do both, I mean the lid’s off and you’re hooked up to the wires and all.
I always visualise their labs as a cross between the dentist and a mechanic’s shop.
greg, do you not find it odd that you have to pay for access to your religion? i’m not trying to be hostile, just genuinely curious. besides kabbhalah, it seems to be the only religion like that..
actually as a born-&-bred-but-now-recovering catholic, i have to admit that i am hard-pressed to find a religion that *doesn’t* require some sort of pay-to-play plan. i mean, we call it “tithes”, and i don’t know what scientologists call it. everyone wants a buck, and elron is not much different.
Lisa, When it comes to Scientology and it’s Celebrity Centers, you’ve done a wonderful job demonstrating how important it is to trust one’s instincts and quickly but quietly head for the exit. :) I just love the corresponding billboard pic!