An article in The Daily Mail recently reported that Diana Ross looked silly as she sunbathed with slices of kiwi over her eyes, which she kept hidden with her sunglasses.

OK, here’s the deal. When I see a headline with Diana Ross’ name in it, I expect to hear about some drunk-driving, jail-avoiding, Lil’ Kim-fake-boob-groping, wacky outlandishness. I do not expect to hear about some bullshit kiwi slices on her face. The woman deserves better than that.

So, Daily Mail, come back when you’ve got some real Diana Ross news to report. Like her forming a close friendship with crazy-ass Whitney Houston. Or that she’s decided to adopt a Chinese baby, so she can train it to mix drinks and drive the get-away car. Not some nonsense about fruit on her face.

(Click the photo to see the full view, if you dare.)