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Do think that if I wish hard enough Spencer Pratt will go away? I’m wishing, I’m wising, I’m wishing… damn it he’s still here. And not only he still here, it doesn’t look like he’s going away. Ever.

Spencer told Us Weekly that he will be changing his name to King Spencer Pratt. “I’ve decided since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William that there should be a king of America. I nominate myself for that role.” I think this all stems from the fact that Spencer has a need to be assassinated; cause assassinate sounds way cooler than murder.

And he’s not the only one who wants to go royal. According to Spencer, his wife Heidi Montag is the “the new, modern-day, 2010 Michael Jackson.” Well obviously Spencer. “Michael Jackson’s in heaven,” he said. “The Holy Spirit now has extra Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with some of that Michael Jackson divine spirit.” I know we made you read this once beofre, but I though a second go around would once again cement the reasons that Spencer and Heidi need to go away.

Someone take something sharp and hit him with it. Thank you.

Gallery Info: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag celebrate Spencer’s 26th birthday.