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…of that emaciated mug she calls a face.

Ouch. That was so damn bitchy, it even stung me as I was writing it.

As for her arrest, I was just kidding. Apparently, the cops were man-handling Teri (probably the most action she’s seen since that closet-case Ryan Seacrest used her as his hetero decoy), for a scene in an upcoming episode of “Desperate Housewives.”

I like to imagine that last cop saying, “Now, Teri, friggin’ eat something. And I’m not just saying that because of your health. Your damn elbow cut skin in that last take when I tried to grab it. Aight?”

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Written by Lisa Timmons