A great divide hath split the women of Beverly Hills into two teams, which doesn’t bode well for the franchise, if history serves me correctly. Lisa Vanderpump and Taylor Armstrong have quickly mended their rift and are now friends, but methinks it’s more because LVP feels for Armstrong and has therefore ceased beating her with a snarky stick. At this point, Taylor will take any act of kindness. She’ll also take a trip to Las Vegas for her co-star’s daughter’s bachelorette party, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Let’s start with the bridal shop. Pandora Vanderpump prefers it bedazzled. Were she the supreme leader, Pandy Vandy-Pump would make the rhinestone gun California’s state bird, and solve economic problems by ordering retailers to sell items in one color: pink. Lisa and Pandy teetered over to Panache Beverly Hills, where Pandy willed her mother to cry whilst modeling the gaudiest of wedding dresses. Pandy took issue with her off-the-rack choices, for they didn’t glitter nearly as much as she wanted them to. “To the rhinestonery!” she proclaimed.
Giggy, who had somehow come out of his blue onesie, just wanted a cap-full of water and a pillow on which to rest his head. While Lisa rushed Pandy to wrap things up, Giggy nearly died of boredom. Pandy made a grab for the tiaras as I yelled to the TV,
“You’re not Kate Middleton! There’s no reason for you to wear a meaningless tiara, plebe!”
Before appearing on The Doctors to share their secrets on a healthy, well-balanced life, Dr. Paul Nassif noshed on cakes and sweets galore. Why? Because he’s earned it.
So glad to have Dedra “D.D.” back on the show, because she was such an asset last week. Not only did Deeds repeat everything Camille Grammer said during their post-mortem on Brandi Glanville‘s Malibu Massacre, but D.D. joined in on The Palms getaway. Fantastic!
Kyle couldn’t make Vegas because she had a photoshoot for her book *stifles a laugh.* So instead of making faces at Brandi, Kyle opted to break a $750 chandelier instead. Had I broken something that precious, I would have cried. Kyle and Faye Reznick just laughed. Money, hah! Who needs it? She stinks of Paris Hilton, that Kyle.
Favorite part of last night’s episode: When George Maloof took Erin the
hooker bunny by the hand while walking alongside his sister. Adrienne shut it down right away. She is awesome.
Argh, guess who else is back? Dana/Pam, with her million dollar lollipop necklace holder thing. I shook my head when Dana compared Adrienne to royalty. You’re literally shooting yourself in the foot, Dana. I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself. No talkie ’bout money, okie?
Brandi forgot to wear a bra again, and Camille did what she does in Vegas: dances like a stripper. This time she invited Brandi Dandyshire to release her inner (or outer) slut as well. When in Vegas, I guess?
Things that are a bad idea: Inviting your mother along to your bachelorette party. Never will I ever EVER EVER bring my mother to my never-happening bachelorette party. Why on God’s green earth would Pandy Vandy bring Lisa (who is a bit of a MILF) to Vegas, then Chippendale’s? Perhaps Pandy is a bit more modest when she’s on the sauce, because my friends aren’t the type of people to mind their manners when given a magnum of champagne. However, Pandy’s red carpet weekend was most likely comped in return to LVP’s documented invite, as well as a sad little shoutout to Taylor’s 40th birthday.
Kim is weird and damaged. The end.