I’m glad I have a serious matter to report on because I just saw footage of Jessica Simpson and Eva Longoria dancing at PURE in Vegas and neither of those sluts can dance. Damn, at least Eva’s an actress and it’s not required but Jessica? You’re a singer-type, honey. Take some lessons. They looked like they had just gotten out of special class for the day if you know what I mean. Anyway, it’s a sad day. David Hasselhoff’s videotaped meltdown has led to him being prevented from seeing his kids for the time being .

Hasselhoff is allowed to have telephone contact only.

On May 21, the judge will hold a hearing on the videotape and how it will affect Hasselhoff’s long-term visitation rights.

The judge also ordered that Hasselhoff, his ex-wife Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff and their kids meet with a psychologist prior to the May 21st hearing. The psychologist has the power to adjust the judge’s order after meeting with the fractured family.

Man, what led to all this? Was it the being on the celebrity tier where you have to do musicals now? Donny Osmond doesn’t pull this shit. I think the loopy bastard just misses his talking car. Or Pam Anderson’s jugs in his face.