Yes, our Tom is a healer and a drug counselor. Who knew? It’s the power of Scientology I guess.

When German magazine Spiegel asked him if he saw it as his “job” to recruit new followers, Cruise answered: “I’m a helper. For instance, I myself have helped hundreds of people get off drugs. In Scientology, we have the only successful drug rehabilitation program in the world. It’s called Narconon.” Spiegel countered: “That’s not correct. Yours is never mentioned among the recognized detox programs. Independent experts warn against it because it is rooted in pseudo-science.” Cruise answered: “It’s a statistically proven fact that there is only one successful drug rehabilitation program in the world. Period.” Spiegel noted, “With all due respect, we doubt that.”

I kind of imagine Tom saying something like, “You will do drugs no more,” and that be that. I don’t really seeTom hand-holding someone through the drug cravings, restlessness, insomnia, diarrhea and vomiting, cold flashes with goose bumps, kicking movements. I’m assuming Katie Holmes will soon be helping cure hundreds of starlets and models from Anorexia.

Tom Foolery [Page Six]