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Last night was Vulture’s launch party in NYC and 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan was there, sputtering off the most random comments that prove that Morgan may not be so different from his character Tracy Jordan.

He started the night with his opening remarks, complimenting the women in the crowd, saying, “Somebody’s going to get pregnant. Somebody’s going to have my daughter.”

Read some of his magical quotes after the jump. Faint of heart readers beware!

“I like crippled women. You ever have sex with a woman with like a broken foot? Room smells like ass and Ben Gay or something. Hospital. [His phone rings.] This might be someone right now giving me a booty call … It’s my mother.”

“People are socially challenged. Like women. Especially women. This is confrontational, this shit I’m about to do. You all go to the club, y’all make men feel like fucking shit. Dancing with each other, standing right there — come on! Cut that shit out! They’re not lesbians, so cut the shit out! You’re wasting everybody’s time! I’m not into girl-on-girl action. I’m into two girls and a cup! That’s my shit. I wonder what that call was like. They probably put an ad on Vulture. Called two girls from Connecticut: ‘Hey what you doing, Sally?’ ‘Nothing.’ ‘You wanna come eat this bucket of shit? I’ll give you two bucks.’ That’s freaky.”

“I like to go to the supermarket and watch grown women shop for cucumbers. Stand right behind them beating my dick — ‘Pick that big green one!’ This is too much, right? You wanted it, motherfuckers, now you got it.”

“I just gotta be careful of gold diggers out there. That’s the thing, I got money now, so I got gold diggers comin’ out the woodwork. I went out to dinner with one last week. She ordered lobster and I was like, ‘You know that lobster tail is three fingers up the butthole, minimum?’”

“Y’all young people, always communicate. Always talk to your partner. You know how to keep it together — you gotta role play. I’m divorced now, but we were married for 21 years, and me and her used to role-play. Used to play prison. Make her drop the soap. One time I got her a Girl Scout outfit, told her to go outside and knock on the door and sell me some cookies. She went, ‘Mister, want some butter-crisp cookies?’ I walk out in my boxers and my dick hanging out and go, ‘Come in little girly. I’ll buy two boxes.’ Then I fuck the shit out of her. Then we ate the cookies.”

“Any gay guys in here? I’m friends with all kinds, I’m friends with all kinds. If you can take a dick, you can take a joke. I’m making fun of everybody. White people, black people, niggers, other niggers. I want everybody in here to say the word ‘nigger’ out loud. It’s liberating. Y’all want to say it on three? One, two, three. [Silence.] You gotta free, come on! It’s 2011, goddammit.”

Amazing. And you’ve heard the joke that if you read any of Kanye West‘s tweets and you say “Liz Lemon” before them, they basically sound like Tracy Jordan? Try it.