Highlights
- Hickerson admitted to a drunken incident he asked Panettiere to cut from the book — but it made the final cut anyway.
- Hickerson praised the memoir, saying “I think everyone should read it,” particularly those who have committed abuse.
- Despite their painful history, Hickerson admitted he still hopes to one day marry Panettiere, though he conceded, “We probably wouldn’t be good together.”
Brian Hickerson is not running from his past — at least, not entirely.
The ex-boyfriend of actress Hayden Panettiere is speaking out following the release of her memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, in which the 36-year-old opened up about her experience in an on-and-off abusive relationship with Hickerson over several years.
In interviews released ahead of the memoir’s launch, Hickerson sat down with TMZ’s Charlie Neff and admitted it was difficult reading about his past behavior — but said he believes those stories are important for others to see.
“I got arrested for abusing her,” Hickerson said plainly. “I wouldn’t blame her friends for being pissed off at me. So I don’t really have much to say on that.”
The two dated on and off from 2018 to 2022, during which Hickerson was arrested multiple times for domestic abuse. In 2021, he was sentenced to 45 days in jail and four years of probation and ordered to stay away from Panettiere for five years.
Actress #HaydenPanettiere Gets Restraining Order Against Ex #BrianHickerson – https://t.co/JEWDE2vuB4 via @ebgossip pic.twitter.com/EwoqLwK606
— SOCIALITE LIFE (@socialitelife) July 15, 2020Among the most striking moments of the TMZ interview was Hickerson’s admission regarding a specific passage in the memoir — one he had personally asked Panettiere to remove.
According to Hickerson, the passage details a drunken incident in which he allegedly threatened to throw a phone at Panettiere. He recalled the moment, saying he told her, “I’ll give you 10 seconds to run as fast as you can before I throw it at you.”
He confessed, “Who wants to read something about themselves like that?” — before adding without hesitation, “I did it.”
Even so, Hickerson said the vulnerability was warranted. “But you gotta be vulnerable and I did it,” he added.
Rather than distancing himself from the book’s damning accounts, Hickerson surprisingly encouraged others — particularly abusers — to read it.
“My biggest thing about domestic violence is I don’t think it is taught early enough in life. Never in my life did I ever get taught what domestic violence was, right? Maybe if I did at an early age, maybe I wouldn’t have done what I did. We don’t know,” he said.
He also noted that Panettiere publicly revealing what transpired in their relationship is “more important for abusers” to read.
In a striking moment of self-awareness, Hickerson suggested the memoir could end up serving as a warning manual for the very kind of person he once became.
Still, Hickerson was not without his deflections. He defended himself to TMZ, saying, “People do this all the time, you know.”
Hayden Panettiere's Ex Brian Hickerson Still Holding Out Hope to Marry Her https://t.co/VudxIoTYUq
— TMZ (@TMZ) May 13, 2026Hickerson reserved his sharpest criticism for Panettiere’s estranged mother, Leslie, whom he called “by far one of the worst people I’ve ever met in my life… She’s terrible.”
On a more personal note, Hickerson said he and Panettiere now share “mutual respect,” and that he has been attending therapy and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings while continuing to work on himself.
He also revealed he is now in AA after being in “such a dark place” with drugs and alcohol.
As of now, Panettiere and Hickerson are not together, but they remain friends and recently discussed the memoir’s release ahead of publication.
Hickerson admitted he still holds out hope he will one day marry the Nashville actress. “She probably don’t think the same way,” he conceded. “We probably wouldn’t be good together.”
This Is Me: A Reckoning focuses on Panettiere’s personal struggles, including domestic abuse, addiction, and life in the public eye, and is set for release on May 19.
When Panettiere spoke to The New York Times in April 2023, she said of her decision to reconcile with Hickerson at the time, “I did not do any of this lightly,” and noted that the reunion was “contingent on him continuing on this road of recovery.”
The memoir, by all accounts, marks a definitive reckoning — not only for Panettiere, but for the man she says made her life a harrowing chapter worth writing about.
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