Selma Blair has opened up like never before about the intense trauma she experienced in her younger years.
In her new memoir, Mean Baby, the actress shockingly revealed her childhood struggle with alcoholism, which she said began when she was only seven years old.
“The first time I got drunk it was a revelation,” Blair, now 49, penned in the tell-all — out Tuesday, May 17 — per People. “I always liked Passover. As I took small sips of the Manischewitz I was allowed throughout the seder a light flooded through me, filling me up with the warmth of God.”
“But the year I was seven, when we basically had Manischewitz on tap and no one was paying attention to my consumption level, I put it together: the feeling was not God but fermentation,” she detailed.
The Cruel Intentions star recalled how she would drink “just quick sips whenever my anxiety would alight,” noting: “I usually barely even got tipsy. I became an expert alcoholic, adept at hiding my secret.”
Blair, who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2018, further explained to the outlet: “I don’t know if I would’ve survived childhood without alcoholism. That’s why it’s such a problem for a lot of people. It really is a huge comfort, a huge relief in the beginning. Maybe even the first few years for me because I did start really young with that as a comfort, as my coping mechanism.”
The Legally Blonde actress also detailed in her memoir a horrific moment in her twenties when she was raped, possibly by two men, after a day of drinking while on spring break.
“I don’t know if both of them raped me. One of them definitely did,” she penned. “I made myself small and quiet and waited for it to be over. I wish I could say what happened to me that night was an anomaly, but it wasn’t.”
“I have been raped, multiple times, because I was too drunk to say the words ‘Please. Stop,'” she heartbreakingly continued. “Only that one time was violent. I came out of each event quiet and ashamed.”
Blair has now been sober since 2016. The Hollywood star explained to the outlet writing the book made her realize how her healing journey had a long way to go.
“Writing that stopped me dead in my tracks,” she told the entertainment publication. “My sense of trauma was bigger than I knew. I did not realize that assault was so central in my life. I had so much shame and blame. I’m grateful I felt safe enough to put it on the page. And then can work on it with a therapist and with other writing, and really relieve that burden of shame on myself.”