David Archuleta is getting brutally honest about the darkest moment of his life.
The former American Idol runner-up reveals in his forthcoming memoir that he was actively scouting locations to end his life before a conversation with God stopped him. In an exclusive excerpt from Devout: Losing My Faith and Finding Myself, out February 17, Archuleta details the harrowing internal battle between his sexuality and his Mormon faith that nearly cost him everything.
“I was almost willing to give my life up because I was so devoted to what I believed,” Archuleta, 35, tells People magazine. The struggle became so intense that he started planning his own death.
In the memoir, he writes about the chilling progression of his suicidal thoughts. “I contemplated whether it would be better to admit to myself that I was gay or end my life,” Archuleta reveals. He then tried to determine what he calls the safest and most efficient method.
“I started going on short drives, scouting locations, looking for a place I could crash my car at a high speed without hurting anyone else,” he writes.
The “Crush” singer describes feeling completely alone during this period. “I was completely alone 95 percent of the time. I prayed more than I ate or slept,” he shares in the excerpt.
Then something shifted. During a moment alone in his living room, God intervened with a message Archuleta never expected. He realized he’d been letting others interpret what God wanted for his life. The divine message he received gave him permission to date men and accept himself.
“God was telling me that I was wrong to think that being gay was a mistake,” he writes.
Archuleta came out as queer in 2021 and left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the following year. Looking back on his journey, he’s grateful to simply be alive.
“I’m just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I’m here. It really feels like starting again,” he tells People.
If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
