30-year-old actress Kristen Stewart covers InStyleโs November 2020 issue, to promote her new film, The Happiest Season. The film is a romantic comedy about a woman named Harper (Mackenzie Davis) who brings her girlfriend, Abby (Stewart), home for Christmas, though she hasnโt told her parents that sheโs gay.
Stewart says she personally related to the story. โIt deals with very poignant things that, for me, are extremely affecting and triggering โ even though now the word โtriggeringโ triggers me more than anything in the whole world,โ she says.
โBut the movie is so funny and cute, and I loved the couple. Theyโre both people I really felt protective of in different ways, because Iโve been on both sides of that dynamic where someone is having a hard time acknowledging who they are and the other person is more self-accepting. I [personally] came into the more complex aspects of myself a little bit later. I never felt an immense shame, but I also donโt feel far away from that story, so I must have it in a latent sense.โ

โI donโt want to aggrandize my own pain, because I know that othersโ pain has been so great,โ she adds. โLiving in this world, being a queer person, there are things that hurt constantly.โ
Stewart opened up about her own experience when she was pressured to put a label on her sexuality.
โThe first time I ever dated a girl, I was immediately being asked if I was a lesbian,โ she shares. โAnd itโs like, โGod, Iโm 21 years old.โ I felt like maybe there were things that have hurt people Iโve been with. Not because I felt ashamed of being openly gay but because I didnโt like giving myself to the public, in a way. It felt like such thievery. This was a period of time when I was sort of cagey.โ
While she doesnโt specifically name her Twilight co-star, Robert Pattinson, she did touch on how notoriously private she was about her previous relationships.
โEven in my previous relationships, which were straight, we did everything we could to not be photographed doing things โ things that would become not ours,โ she says. โSo I think the added pressure of representing a group of people, of representing queerness, wasnโt something I understood then. Only now can I see it. Retrospectively, I can tell you I have experience with this story. But back then I would have been like, โNo, Iโm fine. My parents are fine with it. Everythingโs fine.โ Thatโs bullsh**. Itโs been hard. Itโs been weird. Itโs that way for everyone.โ
After coming out, Stewart acknowledges she felt pressure to be a spokesperson for the queer community.
โI did more when I was younger, when I was being hounded about labeling myself,โ she recalls. โI had no reticence about displaying who I was. I was going out every day knowing Iโd be photographed while I was being affectionate with my girlfriend, but I didnโt want to talk about it. I did feel an enormous pressure, but it wasnโt put on me by the [LGBTQ+] community. People were seeing those pictures and reading these articles and going, โOh, well, I need to be shown.โ I was a kid, and I felt personally affronted.โ
And now how does Stewart feel about being openly gay? โNow I relish it,โ she says. โI love the idea that anything I do with ease rubs off on somebody who is struggling. That sh**โs dope! When I see a little kid clearly feeling themselves in a way that they wouldnโt have when I grew up, it makes me skip.โ