British pop star Will Young, 41, who has released his autobiography To Be a Gay Man, has explained how he used to buy gay porn magazines at a subway station and on his way home he would pleasure himself in the toilets on the train.
The pop singer opened up about his battle with his sexuality and confessed the feeling of “dread” was “almost overpowering.”
In his new book, Will went into detail about the time he picked up the courage to “push boundaries.”
The star recalled finding it “odd” the clerk was selling the magazines, as he had never seen them on sale before.
Will shared: “As I went up to the till, the feeling of dread I had was almost overpowering.”
“I felt as though something awful was going to happen: the shopkeeper would make some comment or judgement, and people in the shop would point and stare at me.”
Will revealed that once he had bought the magazine, it soon turned into a “routine” and he felt both “terror and guilt.”
“When I got to the train to take me back to the countryside and to home, I went to the loo and looked through the magazines,” he added.
“I went quickly through them and then squashed them into the bin before I got off the train, so that there was no evidence.”
Will explained: “Then I’d read them on the train, have a wank, and deposit the evidence in the train bin before getting off at my stop.”
He came out in 2002 after winning Pop Idol, said he found his “own sexuality” by looking at gay porn.
Will confessed he also used to call “phone numbers” which would be a man speaking about a sexual encounter down the phone.
The star revealed it cost him a “fortune” and he became frustrated as he couldn’t hide it from anyone anymore.
It comes after Will opened up about his “internalized shame” as he said he felt “gay shame” at the age of 32.
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