The fifth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars is zipping along at a breakneck pace and we’re already down to seven queens vying for a place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame.
Last week, we had to say goodbye to the fabulous Mariah, so I need a moment. Okay, I’m good. This week, the remaining queens test their improvisational skills as they parody a tabloid TV staple and showcase their finest camouflage fashions on the runway.
We also see the return of an iconic lip-sync assassin and special guest judge Sarah Hyland of Modern Family fame. Let’s take a look at the most sickening moments from the episode.
Shea Lives to Slay Another Day
After Mariah’s elimination (sob), the queens return to the werk room and look in the box to see how many of the lipsticks bore Mariah’s name. Shea was surprised that her name was on two lipsticks.
Mayhem said she assumed all of the queens would vote their biggest competition off if they had the chance, but admitted her plan backfired on her. She told Shea it was “nothing personal”, but now she’s definitely got a target on her back.
Alexis also admitted she voted for Shea because she couldn’t send home her fellow season three sister. When asked why she didn’t vote for (another season three sister) India, she said she thought she turned in a great performance last week (on her team.)
Shea is visibly plucked about the whole thing but says that’s how you play the game when you’re scared. Oooh, the shade of it all.
Ru tells the queens that for this week’s maxi challenge, they will be caught behaving badly on the nationally syndicated gossip show “SheMZ.” (Get it?) They get broken into teams who need to improvise their way through some scandalous situations.
The first team is India and Mayhem. India is a celebrity shoplifter and Mayhem is the shop girl who catches her in the act.
Blair, Jujube and Miz Cracker are the second team, spoofing the recent college admissions scandal that got Felicity Huffman and Lori Laughlin into trouble. Juju plays Blair’s drag mom, who bribes “fixer” Cracker to help get her daughter into Drag U.
Lastly, Alexis and Shea play two reality stars fired from “The Fake Housewives of Tuckahoe” for being a hot mess and too fake respectively. This oughta be good.
Some Drag Race parodies are more on-point than others, and this episode got a lot right about TMZ. The queens, in their male personas, perfectly recreated the douchey, bro-infested TMZ newsroom.
There were lots of baseball hats, snarky comments and Blair going full Justin Bieber. Despite all of this Carson Kressley, serving us full Mr. Furley from Three’s Company (right?) still wasn’t as gay as Harvey Levin.
The Fake Housewives of Tuckahoe
Alexis and Shea couldn’t have been more perfectly cast as the two realty TV frenemies, as they fake laughed their way through rehearsals. Shea quipped that she didn’t trust Alexis as far as she could throw her, snarkily adding, “and y’all know that ain’t far.”
As for their SheMZ segment, the pair were “discovered” having lunch together by SheMZ photographer Ross Matthews. We’re introduced to Alexis with her FWOT catchphrase, “I’m not just sickening, I’m contagious.” Shea’s was “I may be pretty on the outside, but in the inside, I’m pure garbage.” They act almost exactly the way they did in the werk room earlier, so it translates well when they get in a catfight at the eatery.
Alexis, who claims she is eating for two, is revealed to be faking it, as was Shea – after it was revealed they both had the same “baby daddy.” A pillow fight ensues, wigs get snatched and a table gets overturned. Things got chaotic, but it was pretty funny overall.
The Great Drag U Scandal
Miz Cracker and Blair managed to diffuse the tension in their relationship in the werk room prior to the challenge and this “Juju sandwich” gave us a great performance. SheMZ “caught up” with Cracker at the “Michelle Visage Free Clinic”, where she denies knowing Juju and Blair.
The mother and daughter show up, fresh out of the slammer and the confrontation plays out in front of Ross’ camera. Juju and Cracker have what appears to be a special friendship, but Juju says the truth needs to be revealed. She then presents a doctored-up photo of Blair’s head on the body of Laganja Estranja in full death drop mode. Cracker alleges the photo just shows that she taught Blair the key elements of drag, “Charisma, uniqueness, nerve and Photoshop.”
Cracker than slammed Jujubee, implying she’s a has-been, saying “No one’s been to one of your shows in years. When Lady Gaga said there could be a hundred people in a room, you were shocked.” The girls get into a slap fight and…scene. This one was lots of fun.
Lifting and Licking
We had high hopes for India in this bit, as she admitted earlier in the episode that she had been busted in the past for getting some dresses with the old five finger discount. Her shoplifter is all blonde hair and big boobs and is seen toting huge shopping bags through the parking lot of “Fred Shegals”.
Mayhem’s store employee turned out to be one of the rejected contestants on “The Bitchelor”. Under duress, India reveals that she’s addicted to licking, and proceeds to lick a donut. Mayhem says she thinks she’s a licker as well, and she joins in on the donut action. India was accused of stealing vases, which she denies, until said vases fall from under her skirt.
India, in a move that felt like it came out of a John Waters movie, licks the broken glass on the ground. Wow. Overall, the skits were good, but the “newsroom” segments were my favorite.
Real Life Scandals
While the queens get ready for the runway, Juju asks if anyone had to deal with any real run-ins with the likes of TMZ. Blair admits that after she was eliminated from her season, it was revealed that she had been charged with a DUI in the past. She was upset that no one got to hear her story.
Mayhem said in her past shew made choices she wasn’t proud of and has 2 DUIs. She said working in clubs made her want to be the life of the party and was ultimately arrested in drag, stripped naked and photographed by a cop. She served time and after jail, she got help and got her life turned around.
I love when the queens let their walls down and share stories like these.
Camo No She Betta Don’t
The runway theme this week is “Come On, Camo Couture.” Ru (as always) looks amaze-balls. It took repeated viewings of her entrance before I figured out that the top and the left side of her gown were made up of college pennants and I love it.
Juju had on a cocktail length camo sheath, topped with a khaki cape with matching camo lining. Her red wig was gorgeous, and her makeup looked perfect. Miz Cracker had on a “basic training bra”, a short bolero jacket with huge, puffed sleeves, a mini skirt and matching camo thigh high boots. She looked like an action figure and a pop star.
Blair gave us “Mother Nature meets Poison Ivy” tree realness, with a bold green tree top and flared brown pants to evoke a trunk. So creative. Shea is giving us mod-era blue camo, with an A-line shift dress, latex boots, a 60s inspired updo and a matching watering can.
Alexis went with white hunting camo to create a stunning Snow Queen illusion complete with dramatic sparkling eye makeup and a white wig. In her red wig and pink camo with white “hooker boots”, Mayhem was giving us the love child of G.I. Joe and Barbie.
India was serving “cam-ono”, wrapped in camo with latex pants and bow on the back. Her dark makeup palette and slicked-back red hair were also a fantastic change for her.
Ru’s made some decisions
Ru calls Shea and Blair forward and declares them safe. After the judges’ critiques, where Juju was complemented on bringing the funny and being a perfect “yes, and” improviser (thanks, Sarah Hyland!), Miz Cracker was called a joy to watch and India was praised for her makeup and hair, this week’s winner is Miz Cracker, who wins a trip to Montreal, Canada. Alexis and Juju are safe, leaving India and Mayhem in the bottom.
Where Have You Been, Morgan?
Miz Cracker changed into a cute outfit and this week’s lip-sync assassin was ru-vealed to be none other than season 2/All-Stars 4 legend Morgan McMichael (who also happens to be Mayhem’s BFF.) The two deliver a positively fierce and fun performance of Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been.” I couldn’t pick a winner, and neither could Ru, who called it a tie, awarded Cracker the $20,000 tip. But wait, there’s more…
During the pre-elimination deliberations in the werk room, Mayhem pulled an Ongina and pretty much talked herself out of a spot in the final 6. Since Morgan and Cracker tied, two queens could be going home this week if they held different lipsticks. Alas, they both revealed that Mayhem was the queen to be sent home this week.
We’re down to the final six and the most eagerly-awaited episode, The Snatch Game of Love, arrives next week. Until then, remember that if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an “amen”?